This document was found on the remains of the notorious thief Shakra the Shadow after a public disagreement resulted in several stabbings. According to eyewitnesses, Shakra spoke to the bundle of papers clutched in her hands with an expression of terror and hope. Alternating reports claim she shouted “Do it now!” or “You promised!”
The document appears to be a contract between Shakra, made when she was a very young child, and an Uncanny Being known here only as Pearl. Those who knew Shakra when she was four or five (the age at which she apparently signed this contract) claim she was illiterate. This suggests the young Shakra may not have known what she agreed to, or that her guardian — if she had one — made the agreement on her behalf.
Validating this document presents a host of problems. But if authentic, it would be the first known contractual pact with an Uncanny, as such agreements are otherwise verbal or magical in nature.
This AGREEMENT is made this 37th day of the year 805 of the so-called Amal Era between ___s____ (THE FOOL) and Pearl.
THE FOOL grants Pearl her blood and bones and all of her happiness along with her soul and the souls of any offspring she may have in exchange for Pearls assistance in becoming “The Greatest Thief Ever.” THE FOOL may be assigned further tasks to be determined by Pearl as Pearl deems necessary.
[Scrawled beside this paragraph in an unsteady, untutored hand are the following words: “THE FOOL SHALL BE REPAID HER HAPPINESS IN FULL WHEN SHE HAS RECRUITED TEN NEW FOOLS.”]
It is understood and agreed that THE FOOL may only use the abilities and skills provided by Pearl during illegal or at the very least illicit activity, preferably related to thievery but that also may include skullduggery, perjury, murder, piracy, and so on. Should THE FOOL wish to amend the AGREEMENT, THE FOOL must gain a godly advocate or another Uncanny comparable to Pearl in beauty, strength, intelligence, grace, and splendor to revise the AGREEMENT on THE FOOL’s behalf.
[Cutting through this paragraph is a single word in large bold lettering: “BULLSHIT.”]
It is further understood and agreed that all THE FOOL acquires through Pearl’s intercession belongs to Pearl, though will be housed with THE FOOL on loan from Pearl with an interest rate of a quart of blood per year. Should THE FOOL refuse blood payment, THE FOOL will surrender her sense of taste and smell.
THE FOOL guarantees she is the sole owner of her soul, blood, and bones, and that these have not been sold, promised, or exchanged to another. This includes pledges of love, fidelity, honor, piety, and so on.
The AGREEMENT shall be voided when THE FOOL and Pearl mutually dissolve their union. Should THE FOOL die or become herself one of the Blessed, the AGREEMENT will be amended according to ANNEX II of the AGREEMENT.
[ANNEX II is circled with a line drawn to the margin where the following is written: “PEARL PLEASE ADDRESS ANNEX 3, AMENDMENT 2. WE NEED TO TALK.” No Annexes were recovered with this document.]
This AGREEMENT shall be interpreted under the laws of Order and Chaos and so on. By signing this AGREEMENT, THE FOOL acknowledges Pearl’s supremacy and devotes her entire being, physical and metaphysical, temporal and eternal, to Pearl.
Furthermore, the signing of the AGREEMENT acknowledges that each party has read and understood this AGREEMENT prior to execution.